Om Shanti

So I am working on doing a waiver for everyone at work so I can teach a yoga class. It is my goal to have it finished this week and start teaching next week. I am procrastinating though surely out of fear. It is a daunting task to teach my peers but it will also be the greatest lesson for me. As long as I come from a place within and oddly enough from love then I think I will be okay. I also need to come from my own experience and not try to do anything that I can't do or am not comfortable with. I am also trying to make a yoga music cd. I have found some cool music and downloaded it on my home computer but not a clue how to transfer it from there to something else. Yea I know I am slightly technically retarded at times. Oh well I figure this is all going to work out the way it is supposed to right?

Well I must go back to music searching and working on this project. I think this is something that I must complete in order to get my life headed on the right track.

Things are still good with Darren and that is awesome. It is just my career and growth in that area that is suffocating. I fear that if I don't continue to push myself that I will fade away and forget all that I have done with this yoga and running and everything else. Okay I am not trying to be so final about it but you get my point.

Thanks for listening.

Yogified

Well it is true folks. I finished my first power yoga training and can now teach a beginner's yoga class. It was an 8 week journey and odyssey about myself and others around me. One of the facts that I have learned from all of this training is that it is only the beginning. There are many more trainings and retreats to go to and learn from. That is if I want to embark on this lifelong journey. I have learned a lot about myself and one thing shockingly enough to me is that I have a sense of humor. I never knew that. Very cool. I can't believe it is over. This just flew by for me. It is sad because I am going to miss everyone and the wonderful cohesiveness we created.

Well today I am taking the day off to work from home and then go to the opening game in the afternoon. Rockies are playing the Diamondbacks. That should be fun. Well more later.


Melanie

Unsatisfied but still trying

Well I just finished reading my book club book - Blindness by Jose Saramago. Very strange. Definitely was not my favorite book. It felt very much like I was reading Kurt Vonnegut and was entering doom and gloom. I am almost done with my yoga teacher training. I have really loved this training. It has been all encompassing. It is not just teaching me the physical aspect of yoga but the spiritual and emotional growth I have experienced is profound. I can definitely feel it in other parts of my life.

So one may ask why I am so sad today? Well I am sure it is partly hormonal. I miss not having anyone in my life. I mean a man and someone to share my life with. I have plenty of wonderful friends and family in my life. That is always wonderful but I guess I am just lonely. Oh well this too shall pass. I am just moving through a different reel of my movie. so to speak.

I feel like I am not as good of a mom to my new dog as I was to Leilani. I think it is just different. For one he is a boy dog and there is definitely a difference. Well I will work on being a better mom.

I am planning a trip to Santa Barbara at the end of May. I hope that will rejuvenate me and give me some new energy. I know I am completely drained from my total lack of enthusiasm about work and disgusting sickness over the lack of morale at the office. My yoga friends and wonderful circle that I have created there is definitely a respite for me.

Well that is all for now...off to trying to sleep. Trying is the operative word and for whomever is reading this I apologize for the morbidity.

Not sleeping

I am up late unable to sleep. I am surfing trying to find a new job and essentially a new life. I wonder if that is possible on the web. I am so tired and exhausted from a hideous job and extreme amounts of emotional fatigue and lots of yoga that I find it hard to sleep. Go figure. I am hoping to fall asleep before the sun rises. Of course my new dog is resting comfortably on the floor. How do animals do it? It seems they can sleep through the best and worst of times. Oh to have that kind of life. Well week 3 of yoga teacher training is almost over. I am going to skip the cadaver field trip tomorrow and take it easy. I think I am going to walk the doggie, go to morning yoga and see a movie. I think that sounds splendid. Provided again that I can fall asleep relatively soon. I just finished reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert yesterday. For any of you women out there that are unhappy and feeling unfulfilled or are just looking for some other form of contentment, I highly recommend it. It definitely is changing my way of thinking along with all of the mediation and forward bends and yogi pretzel like positions I have been taking on these days.

Well I am going to give this sleep thing one more chance. More later.

Missing Lulu

I think about Leilani all the time. I think about alot of things all the time. Like am I total screw up because I am without man and family at the ripe old age of 34. Then I talk to my friends and decide that perhaps that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Who knows really?

What I do know is all of this yoga training is teaching me all about forgiving myself and figuring out what is important to me. Well more later...I must finish my book club book - Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Fabulous book...I highly recommend you all read it.

Leilani

Well I have never had an online journal so this is new for me. My best friend suggested that I do it for a couple of reasons. One is so that we could be more connected online and the other is to write about the loss of my best friend - Leilani, my 10 year old Australian Shepherd who recently passed away. I think I can only use this opportunity to write about my journey on my yoga journey. I am training to be a yoga teacher with power yoga. It is a 9 week process and it is extremely challenging (to say the least). So hopefully this is a great venue for me to express all of my feelings. Well more to come later.