Thursday, March 15, 2007

Unsatisfied but still trying

Well I just finished reading my book club book - Blindness by Jose Saramago. Very strange. Definitely was not my favorite book. It felt very much like I was reading Kurt Vonnegut and was entering doom and gloom. I am almost done with my yoga teacher training. I have really loved this training. It has been all encompassing. It is not just teaching me the physical aspect of yoga but the spiritual and emotional growth I have experienced is profound. I can definitely feel it in other parts of my life.

So one may ask why I am so sad today? Well I am sure it is partly hormonal. I miss not having anyone in my life. I mean a man and someone to share my life with. I have plenty of wonderful friends and family in my life. That is always wonderful but I guess I am just lonely. Oh well this too shall pass. I am just moving through a different reel of my movie. so to speak.

I feel like I am not as good of a mom to my new dog as I was to Leilani. I think it is just different. For one he is a boy dog and there is definitely a difference. Well I will work on being a better mom.

I am planning a trip to Santa Barbara at the end of May. I hope that will rejuvenate me and give me some new energy. I know I am completely drained from my total lack of enthusiasm about work and disgusting sickness over the lack of morale at the office. My yoga friends and wonderful circle that I have created there is definitely a respite for me.

Well that is all for now...off to trying to sleep. Trying is the operative word and for whomever is reading this I apologize for the morbidity.

1 comment:

wannabe mom said...

don't get down on yourself. you are a different mommy with jack than you were with leilani, and that's ok. he loves you. you saved him from the crazy people, for gods sake.

on the man front: no man is worthy of you just yet. you're figuring things out. in the meantime, if you need mad sex, go get it.